debxena

Thank you all for the wonderful, supportive and amazing comments on my fat-freakout post. I feel much more balanced today, and have an idea of how I'm going to tackle this: slowly, carefully, and with a wee bit o' walking as a start point. Possibly some swimming at the beach. too.

Thank you Ben for giving me lots of cuddles from last night while I freaked out. You are a great support, wonderful husband, and good handkerchief.

Hooray for wearing a gorgeous new skirt today that only cost me $25! It's ankle-length, billowy, and a fuchsia/mauve colour, and I like to spin around in it.

Hooray for the sunshine and mild breezes! Especially as it means I can wear my new skirt.

Hooray for getting to see Sparky and Firecracker tonight!

I feel pretty damned fine, today, and many of you helped make it so. Thank you!

I'm fat. Most of you know that already. It doesn't bother me much, and I like the way I look in the mirror. So it's just part of what makes up me. Fat, for me, isn't a negatively-loaded word, it's a description. I'm Deb. I'm female. I'm fat. I'm tall. Same sort of thing.

I've been fat for about a decade now - I started gaining weight after I finished high school (no more walking for half an hour twice a day, and boy did I gain swiftly), and stabilised a little after I finished my degree- about 10kg a year for five years, and here I am. But I've been about the size and weight I am now for a while. I'm used to it; and I like myself this way. Sure, I could stand to lose 20kg, but it's not impacted my health in any noticeable way, so I've let it be.

My doctor, who I initially started seeing about my migraines about six years ago, has always been great about my weight (despite the fact that many of her patients are there specifically for weight-loss). I said to her on my very first visit that I'd rather not be given grief about my size, or hassled to try the latest weight-loss regimes, unless my weight was having an impact on my health.

So, I got a letter in the mail from her today. A recent study, published in Medscape, has shown a correlation between chronic daily headache / migraines, and obesity. The weight, as she put it, has to come off.

*head in hands*

This has put me in a bit of a tail-spin. Have I been causing my own migraines by being the size I am? How do I fix it, if I don't have the energy to exercise? Does this mean a diet? How do I diet when I'm vegetarian already? Basically I've spent the afternoon in a shitty mood. Because everything is going to have to change, and I don't know if I want it to, how to do it, or what will happen.

Who will I be, if I'm not me as I am now? And how am I going to have to change to get myself there?

I want my migraines gone. No argument there. But I don't know if I'm strong enough for this.

Said week of recovery being filled with social calls, visits to Auckland beaches, work (sigh), sleep, and catching up on RSS feeds. Catching up on IJ has not gone quite as successfully - so please, comment with links to interesting stuff that has happened to you. Or to the monkey overlords. Curious Deborah's want to know :)

The flight back to Auckland was uneventful, sticky, and long. The queue at Passport Control was out of control, appallingly long, and boring. Also sticky. If I'd had a stick, I would have poked people with it to make them move faster. Of course, that would have gotten us to the baggage carousel faster, which wouldn't have helped. The carousel listed as having our plane's luggage did not, in fact, have it. Eventually rumours filtered around that it was on another carousel, and (for once) rumours proved to be correct. With luggage, there was customs, and then finally, we escaped into the arrivals section to get hugs from Ben and Aria and be pleased to be on home turf again.

Oh, the sooper-sekrit mission we had on our last Friday in Surfer's? Al and I went and got matching tattoos. They look fantastic.

I've been working on photos from the trip, and about half of them are up now - pics of views from our room, Dream World, Dracula's Cabaret, and Sea World. Click here to see all of them, or keep reading after the cut to see some good ones.

( Gold Coast photos )
I'll put up more photos, including ones of our tattoos, once they're edited.

This morning I was wide awake at 5:30am. *blinks* So rather than try and snooze more, I thought I'd take advantage of the 24hour net cafe. And then I'll have a swim.

The swimming pool here is weird. It's outdoors (that's not weird), and it's got a bottle shop beneath it (ok, that's a little weird), but the really weird thing is that the bar looks out onto it. So all day there are drunken yobbos - male, mostly - sitting at bar-stools leaning on the wooden drink shelf and looking at the pool and anyone in it. Quite disconcerting. So getting in the pool at 8am will be a pleasant change, as the bar doesn't open until two hours after that. And I'll feel all virtuous for having updated here first.

Um. Let's see. Wednesday! Wednesday was still rainy when we woke up (and we didn't wake up until 1pm - so having Tuesday off just wasn't enough). But it cleared enough for walking reasonably swiftly. We ambled to the post office to send the last of the postcards, then over to Infinity, which we'd been longing to go to ever since we saw the brochure. Infinity is mighty difficult to describe, so I strongly recommend having a look at the website. This isn't too far wrong, though: 'INFINITY is a mind-blowing journey into spectacular, futuristic maze like worlds of wonder - an extraordinary series of around 20 multi-sensual environments filled with unique special effects, atmospheric sound fields, ultra groovy music and illusions that appear to go all the way to infinity!' It was well worth going, and they should hurry up and franchise already! If I get back here, I'll definitely be going to Infinity again.

We got ourselves a souvenir photo (the first one of the trip), and are most pleased with it.

Thursday we were awake at a much more reasonable hour (ie: about 9am), and headed to Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary. That was something I particularly wanted to do (the Theme Parks were Al's desire), but we both had a marvellous time! Al got to hold a koala and get a photograph with it, while I got to do the same with a python. I was hyper for about an hour after that! Python!

We also saw dingos, wombats, more koalas, lots of snakes and lizards and birds. We lucked in and got to see the freshwater crocodiles being fed (only happens a few times a week), and we got to feed and pet kangaroos. All in all, we had a fantastic time, and I took more photos there than I have anywhere else! The Tasmanian Devils were all burrowed away looking after their babies, which made Al a bit sad, but he bought a plushy one called 'Gaz', and that made him happier. I had to buy myself a plushie wombat (and spent the rest of the day going 'Wommmmmmm' and dive-bombing Al with him), because he was so damn cute! Cute animal toys are hard to resist.

Today will be quiet. We have a sooper-sekrit mission to accomplish at 1pm, and we have to make sure we spend the rest of our Aussie $$. Oh, and we need to pack all our stuff, as we have to be at the airport by 7am tomorrow.

We come home tomorrow! This has been a fantastic holiday, and I'm thrilled we made it here. But coming home to my friends and loves (and my bed!) will be a wonderful thing as well.

It was Melbourne Cup Day today - undoubtedly there were a bunch of people down in the bar watching it on the screens there, but we completely forgot about it until we came down to dinner - and it was quiet by then. No idea who won, but don't really care :)

Sunday evening we caught up with our cousin Pete, who lives here in Surfer's. We were supposed to catch up for lunch, but he texted mid-afternoon to let us know that he'd just woken up in Brisbane - he'd gone to a friend's 30th there the night before, and partied hard (a litte too hard, possibly, as he rolled down a bank and showed us some scratches). It was a 'Something Beginning with M' party, and he'd gone as Moses. One of his commandments was that 'all girls must kiss Moses' - and apparently most of them did!

Anyhow, for dinner we went to Fiddler's Green, an Irish Pub that Al and I had spotted one street over. Some very drunk folks there, who I think had probably been there all day. Quite enthusiastic and hearty, they were, especially when the live band came on. We retreated to a table at the far end, so we could still converse (just). Apparently Sunday drinking is quite a big thing in Aussie. The food was okay - not amazing, not terrible. But was great to see a familiar face, and to catch up in general. We last saw Pete at Giftmas time, but other than that neither of us had seen him since his 21st - and he's 25 now (he's the youngest of our cousins on Mum's side).

We followed dinner up with an amble to Global Burgers, across from our hotel, and milkshakes. And an offer from Pete to catch up again one evening before we go home! Hopefully we'll manage that tomorrow ...

Monday was supposed to be stormy and horrible, but when we woke up it was still clear, although more overcast. Trusting our luck, we headed for Movie World late morning, covered in sunblock and prepared for anything.

Movie World was fantastic! We started out with a spot of shopping in the Batman shop, then headed for the Metropolis Rapid Transit ride - I unfortunately had to sit it out, after waiting in line, as my belly meats were not quite squishy enough for the tightening of safety belts, even though I had been able to do it up (pooh). I bet Superman wouldn't have cared! But Al loved it, and I got to watch him on the ride. We followed that up with a spot of shopping in one of the general WB stores (a spot? This is the point shopping fever came upon us and didn't let up for the rest of the day). Then it was the Shrek 4D Adventure, which was damned cool. I had bought myself a Shrek Dragon plush - I called her Ruby - and she got to watch the show with us.

After Shrek was lunch, followed by an avoidance of the street parade by ducking into shops ... I found Ben's birthday present in one, so that was a smart move. Then we ambled over to the kids area to find the Tasmanian Devil cars, as Al wanted a photo in front of his (nick)namesake. A little backtracking later, we found our way to the Wild Wild West ride ... which was temporarily closed! We were hopeful that it would open again (flume rides are so much fun, and we wanted to compare it to the ones at Dream World and Sea World), so we (all together now) did a spot of shopping in the Wild West store. Heh. Then we stood in line for a bit and crossed our fingers and tried not to throttle the very annoying boy in front of us.

And it opened! The Wild West ride was definitely the best of the flume rides, and we got drenched! Al cools off very quickly, so we bought him a towel to dry off with. By then, unfortunately, it was too late to do the Batman Adventure, so we instead ambled out way back to the entrance, via and ice-cream parlour and (ahem) more shops.

Then back to the hotel, and exhaustion.

Today has been a rest day, which we both needed (oh, and it cooled off and rained). Al has slept off and on for most of it, while I have read (reading the Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb) and taken it easy. Tomorrow was going to be Wet & Wild, but we have decided to flag that, and go to the cool place called Infinity instead, which is only two blocks away. Then Thursday is Currumbin Wildlife Park, Friday is some stuff nearby plus packing, and Saturday we come home again.

I'm posting the last of the postcards tomorrow. So keep an eye out, those of you who requested them!

I've got a wash on in the guest laundry, so I've shot down to the cafe to update you all on what's been happening. Because the last two days have been incredible!

Friday night we went to Dracula's Cabaret, as recommended by so many people. And it was fantastic! The food and service were, well, satisfactory (no vege entree listed, but they provided one for me), but the show itself was spectacular, and loads of fun. Thankfully, my head had come right and wasn't bothering me, which is good, as it was LOUD! The show was called 'Fangs and Fetish', and was well named, and loads of fun. Also rude :)

There was a ghost train to start, which was a bit bumpy and resulting in me spilling my drink on my dress - but the Choctini stains seem to have mostly come out, after judicious soaking. Of course, that's what happens when you're in cream fabric and you go on a ghost train! Al and I had a seat up in the balcony, one from the front - so we had a good, fairly central view, but weren't picked on or anything like that. The dessert was the highlight of the meal - a chocolate coffin with thick mousse-y stuff in it. Yum :)

Al was overheated and grumpy by the end of the show, so we headed straight home, but people were able to stay and check out all the rooms and dance on the stage and stuff if they wanted. If I ever get the chance to go again, I'll definitely be up for that!

(Ben, I sent you a postcard from Dracula's - hope you get it!)

Saturday I woke early and read for a few hours, while Al slept on - and on, and on. He woke up a little before midday, and we decided to head to Sea World, which was the original plan (I had thought we might not, being so tired and all). It was definitely the right choice - Sea World was just amazing, and we had a lovely time.

We initially parked in the wrong place - at the resort rather than the theme park - but it turned out to be a good mistake, as we were able to take the monorail over to the entrance. Was a great introduction to the park, as we could see all the rides and many of the areas as we tootled past above them. Helped us to decide many of the things we wanted to do.

The animals were incredible - we got to see Dugongs, and Pelicans, and a Polar Bear - and the Dolphin Show. I was very emotional, and got teary over the dolphins. We'd also seen some playing about earlier, and one came within about 3 metres of us - as close as it could get with it in the water and us on the walkway. And it came out of the water and hello'd us! Just fantastic. We'd never seen real dolphins before (or dugongs or pelicans, for that matter), and it meant a lot to finally get to see them in the flesh.

We also went on a few rides - the Viking's Revenge Flume Ride (SPLASH!) and the Corkscrew rollercoaster - twice. That was a hoot!

Eventually, knackered all over again, we came back to the hotel, changed, and went for the swim in the pool. That was strange. I dived in first, and was bobbing in the deep section in the middle. Then Al jumped in ... and discovered that he couldn't stay afloat! (Al's been swimming since he was about six years old, same as me.) He was quite shocked, and couldn't get his legs up to swim to the side. Eventually he dog-paddled over, and we moved to the steps. He was in shock - this was unexpected - and so got out and tried to warm up. We worked out later that the loss of body fat meant he wasn't able to float, and the fluid in his legs meant he couldn't get them up to kick.

Poor Al :( Still, good we figured this out in the pool and not in the ocean!

After a rest and a shower, we went to the post office to send some postcards (to Israel, Italy, the UK, USA, and New Zealand), then to Global Burger, where we had a nice filling meal. Good way to end the day.

Still got six days to go ... and lots more to experience!

Thought I'd use the internet cafe in our hotel, and let everyone reading know how my holiday with Al is going. Yes, we're here on the Gold Coast, and having a wonderful time!

We flew in Tuesday evening, and had a ... challenging time finding our way to our hotel. I'd pre-booked a rental car, which we collected from the airport, and found our way from Coolangatta to Surfer's easily enough, but were stymied finding the hotel entrance and carpark! One phone call later, we'd figured it out (the problem with hotels on a street corner, we discovered, is that they have two sides), parked the car, been through reception, and were up in our hotel room.

We're staying at the Islander Resort, and we have a nice wee room on the 11th floor (the top level, except for the penthouse). A balcony, an astonishing view - mountains, river, high-rises, and a little bit of the coast. The room's not very big, but we have two beds (Al claimed the double), a fridge, a TV, a massive air-con unit that's pretty crap, and a lovely shower. The balcony really is the highlight. We had no air-con the first night, as they were working on the hotel system, so we slept with the balcony door open and a fan - quite pleasant, really.

However, whomever said that the Gold Coast has a dry heat was quite mistaken! They had a storm the day before we arrived, and a lightening storm our second night, and it's been appallingly humid. My head gave me grief the first few days, and I have been very pleased to have my painkillers with me.

Our first full day we took it easy, sleeping in, eating in the hotel restaurant (cheap, and very good food), and ambling around the block to check out the shops and find a supermarket. We really are smack in the middle of everything here - within the block there's a Woolworths, Hard Rock Cafe, two malls, a tattooist, and heaps of other stuff. We ate ice-cream and found the Information Centre, then stocked up on fresh fruit and some soft drink at the supermarket, to keep in our wee fridge. Also a knife to cut the fruit and make breakfast in the mornings!

We ate at the Hard Rock Cafe that evening, which was quite the experience and very cool. It was Hallowe'en, and all the staff were dressed up, as well as lots of the kids eating there with their folks! Al and I discovered a very nice drink called a 'Long Beach Iced Tea' - much like the Long Island version, but with Cranberry rather than Coke. Yum.

Yesterday was the first of the theme parks. We were both awake quite early, so we made it to Dream World (after a fun car ride navigating over to the Pacific Highway) a little after opening at 10am. We made the most of it, but were absolutely wiped by 4pm. Let's see. We got temporary tattoos done (Al's is a tribal one, mine says 'Bad Girl'), visited the Big Brother house - a long walk and quite disappointing - and went on the Log Flume. Compared to the Rainbow's End one, it was crap, but the big SPLASH at the end was well worth it! We spent most of the day sweating like mad, and my fan, sweat-mop handkerchief, and bottles of water/electrolytes were absolutely essential.

A break for lunch (and watching the Ibis's act like seagull and jump up on empty tables to scarf the leftovers), then we ambled over to Tiger Island, via a ride in the Nickleodeon area. I couldn't go on that one - my boobs and stomach meant I couldn't do up the harness - but it looked like Al had fun.

Tiger Island was neat. We watched Raj (a white tiger) and Sita (his normal-coloured sister) for a while, listening to the handlers answer questions from the kids. Like who would win if a tiger went up against a crocodile! Then we checked out the Tiger Bazaar and bought a few postcards and other things.

Then it was onto the ride we both really wanted to do - the Tower of Terror. Heading up to the queue was quite fun, as it was made up to look like a post-apocalyptic abandoned building. The Tower itself was cool. It takes off incredibly fast, shoots up the tall structure where the Speed Drops occur, then drops back again. The whole ride took less than a minute, and we got up to 155km an hour. At the top, when it paused, it was zero gravity - Al tells me he actually lifted out of his seat! Very exhilarating, and absolutely terrifying - I was pleased to have kept my eyes open for about half of it.

We were about done after that, so we ambled through a few more shops, bought some Spongebob stuff for Aria (Al's daughter), then headed back to the hotel. A little dinner at the hotel restaurant, then we crashed out early - we were both asleep before 9pm.

Today's been quiet - we both slept in, had some fruit salad, read a bit, had some lunch, and now I'm here posting this. Tonight we're off to Dracula's Cabaret, and tomorrow we're visiting SeaWorld, which is only a few km's up the road.

I've been taking a few photos. We've got the view from our room, some at Dream World - an ibis, a lizard, a few of the tigers (oh, and one of me in stocks!) - and a few others. On the whole, though, we're enjoying rather than recording.

It's wonderful to think we're here for another 8 days, though!

In two more sleeps Al and I fly out to the Gold Coast - hooray! The fundraising went fantastically, coming out just under $5000 NZ. Thank you, again, to everyone who contributed. We literally could not have done this without you all.

Life's been random, recently. Al got sick and went into hospital a few weeks ago, and had to have a drain in his back. They took 3 litres of gunk out of his chest cavity, around his left lung (the right lung was operated on earlier this year, sticking it to the chest wall so fluid wouldn't build up). Anyhow, there was so much gunk it had displaced organs (!), not to mention it got infected and gave him pneumonia. Yucky stuff.

So he was in hospital for a week, poor bugger. In the meantime, I got sick with a chest infection + vertigo that then turned into bronchitis, so I was off work for a week, and unable to drive for most of it. Just as I was getting better, Ben came down with a milder version of it - still had two days in bed, but was well enough (just) to fly to Melbourne on Monday for training. He came back on Friday night. I missed him so much - and that was just for four days! What am I going to be like after 11 days across the ocean?

Anyhow, all three of us are fine now, although Al and I are both still on antibiotics. And chest x-rays for Al and a visit to the specialist have shown that he's OK, so flying is a-go!

This is our plan for the Gold Coast, for those of you who are interested:
~ Flying over on the 30th (Tuesday)
~ Going to Dreamworld on the 1st (Thursday)
~ Visiting Dracula Cabaret for dinner on the 2nd (Friday)
~ Hitting Wet & Wild, Sea World, and MovieWorld variously between the 3rd-7th (Sat-Wed)
~ Visiting Currumbin Wildlife Park on the 8th (Thursday)
~ Coming home on the 10th (Saturday)

If anyone's been to the parks and there are rides that we must go on, let me know, okay? This is new to both of us.

Who wants a postcard? Drop me an email (deb AT debxena DOT co DOT nz) with your address, and whether you want a) scenic, b)naughty/rude, c) cute, or d) misc.

I may post while we're over there (the hotel has an internet cafe), but no guarantees :) Either way, I'll catch up with everyone when I return!

*jiggles with excitement*

I've been MIA recently (well, missing from posting). Still around, just not with the writing it down. Apologies, grovelling, etc. Information in heading and bullet point format, 'cause it's easier to type that way.

Gold Coast
~ Al and I fly out on the 30th of October, with a flight late afternoon. Wow, that's getting close! Is there anyone in Auckland who cares to provide transport services to the airport in the early afternoon? Alasatyr is now unable to (pesky paid work getting in the way of being a chauffeur), and Sparky is working as well.

~ We're most excited, but still tight on the cash. Everyone has been amazing, and the BigTaz Internet-athon™ has raised just over FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS, which is 4/5ths of our target. We are still, very happily, taking donations, and if you've been meaning to but not got around to it yet, fear not! We will accept your hard-earned monies! It scares me that I'm getting less embarrassed about asking for help in currency form. Apparently I have been doing this too long ...

~ Also, those of you who have donated but not yet told me you want a postcard, expect an email later this week asking for a snail-mail addy and your choice of illustration on correspondence-to-come.



Social
~ Cocktail party a few weeks back from Lisa's birthday was excellent, and great fun. Plus I dressed up and wore high heels and a hat. And Ben had his hair out for a change. Yum. I took photos, but suck and haven't done anything with them yet.

~ Piratical wedding weekend before last for Struan and his bride. I wore a short sun-frock, and there were lots of people in pirate clothes saying Arrrrrr. It was a really nice evening. I didn't take any photos, but lots of other people did. There are probably some around somewhere.

~ Impromptu gathering at the Wolverines on Sunday (for Tamsin's birthday) was really fun, although watching The Black Cauldron was somewhat painful. What was Disney on? Very strange stuff indeed. And Gurgi was Gollum before Gollum was ever put on screen. *shudders*

~ I am feeling intensely anti-social today, so hid in bed. That worked well. Now I don't feel quite as non-people-y.

Danny
~ Danny's memorial service sucked, frankly. Which left Al and I both quite angry. Not just us, either. Certainly it didn't feel like a memorial to us - there was no real sense of closure.

~ Danny had three important parts of his life, and none really took precendence over the others: the Catholic part, the deaf part, and the gay part. The first two were discussed and remembered and memorialised with great fervour and thanks. The final third was completely ignored. This despite a good third of the congregation (obviously) being part of the GLBT community - along with hangers-on like me. But no. The word 'gay' mentioned exactly once, with a leader in the deaf community mentioning the work Danny had done FOR the 'gay and lesbian community'. Not 'with', though. No, not with.

~ I get the feeling that Danny's sexuality, which was never particularly overt unless he was at Bear's Night at Urge, was an embarrassment to his family, and something they wished to ignore as much as possible. There wasn't even a memorial book for people to sign at the service. (We found out a few days later that there had been one at the funeral, though, along with full-colour and photograph-laden order of service, unlike the b&w printed on green paper one we got in Auckland.)

~ The next day Danny's brother, along with two other people, came to take back the car Danny had lent Al. Because it'll take three people to wrest it from Al's noodly arms... or perhaps they were afraid of catching THE GAY? So we're back to one car, temporarily.

Al
~ There's a bunch to go here.

~ Ben and I are doing the sums and discussing options regarding cars. The plan is for Al to use Selkie (my car) which he is still able to drive (it's automatic, the suspension in the front isn't too jouncy, and there's enough leg-room for him). But as I still need a car, it's time to hunt for a newer one. We'll probably get a loan and purchase from a car yard, get something that'll last me a good wee while. Although that's unlikely to happen until after we come back from holiday.

~ In the meantime, he's feeling really trapped. Even though he doesn't go out that often, when he does it has to be by car - he can't even walk to the letterbox and back. Anyone have a spare car they want to lend me until the end of the month? *looks hopeful*

~ Ben and I are also discussing getting Al a laptop and setting up a wireless LAN so he can access the internet. Make a change from the steady diet of day-time television he's on. Unfortunately, he can't concentrate on reading, which sucks (this is a book house, and Al is no exception to that). We don't know if it's feasible yet, or if it means adding to the potential loan. Scary conversations about money. *sigh* Still, it would be a really good thing, I think - and means we don't have to get him a birthday present in January :)

~ Good news, though. Al's friend Andy is moving back up from Hamilton this weekend, and will be staying at our house for a few weeks until he finds a place. He's been one of the most frequent visitors Al has - slightly less often since he went to Hamilton - so it will be neat to have him back. And Ben and I really like him. We can't say that about some of Al's friends...

~ Al has hooked me on Grey's Anatomy. Dammit - like I needed a new show to be hooked on! He's seen quite a lot of it, but we've started at the beginning, so I'm getting it all in order.

~ I went to a focus group at Mercy Hospice yesterday, for caregivers. It was about respite care, and intensely interesting. Also damned scary. The people there were either in the process of caring for someone terminally ill, or had cared for someone terminally ill. And shit - it was an eye-opener. I know Al is sick - I get that. And I know he's going to die - I get that. It's what's between here and there that I hadn't really thought about. What happens when his legs stop working? If his bowels no longer behave? If he gets bed-sores? If he's so sure he's going to die overnight that someone needs to be there for him? What happens if it's a long, slow, excrutiatingly painful descent and he asks me to please just kill him? My dreams last night were full of cancer and loss (and Jack O'Neill, for some reason). Yes, see Deb freak out...

~ People keep telling me how I'm strong and doing amazing things for my brother. Somehow, I think it's been easy so far. Can I cope if it gets harder than this?

Me
~ Still have the migraine. Bad days and not-so-bad days.

~ Love life is just grand. Home life is excellent. Cats are insane.

~ I keep buying books. They're good books, though.

~ And I've been gardening. Which is scary - I hate gardening, or I have up until now. But I have been finding weeding quite theraputic. And I'm growing onion seeds. And I have wee lavender seedlings. Eep...

~ And writing a lot, but not here. Will try to be better.

In no particular order...
It's Danny's memorial service this afternoon. At a Catholic church in Newton. For all my funeral-going, I don't end up in a Catholic church very often. I'll be curious to see if it's much different to the Anglican and Presbytarian churches that I grew up attending. Will be good to see friends as well - although I expect bigtaz will know many more people than I will.

I saw my doctor on Monday afternoon, and things are trekking along health-wise. Remembered to get a signed letter from her about my medications for when we travel to Australia. She thinks that seeing the dentist about a soft mouthguard for when I sleep can only be a good thing, for both the migraine and my teeth.

When I went to get my prescription filled at the pharmacy on Tuesday morning there was a fire alarm at the mall. So I got to spend 20 unplanned minutes in the sunshine. And got to work later than planned. At least it wasn't raining!

I saw 5 pukeko on the way to work this morning, all near the South-Western motorway onramp. I don't know what it is about grass that is so damn tasty.

I must be tired this week - I slept until nearly midday on both Monday and Wednesday. Then today I managed to put my knickers on backwards when I got dressed (rectified once noticed). And I ordered a coffee from the lunch bar at morning tea (I have coffee maybe three times a year).

The cocktail party last Friday for cuddleme999 's birthday was fantastic - I got all dressed up for it in hat and heels and makeup :) Great to see people that I hadn't caught up with for a while, as well as to imbibe (not driving is a wonderful thing). Although there were some scary cocktail mixtures.

Too many parties (three) on this Saturday evening. I may make it to one, but really don't know which yet.

bigtaz now has a regular cleaner, at no cost, as well as a biographer. A woman from the hospice who has done about 30 of them before. He met with her for the first time yesterday, for about two hours.

Made Roast Pumpkin Risotto on Tuesday evening, for the first time. It was delicious.

Danny
We finally have some news about what's happening with Danny. His funeral proper is going to be held in Pahiatua - where is family is, I presume - but there is a memorial service in Auckland next Thursday (details in the Funeral notice below). Al and I will be there. Also, apparently, there will be drinks raised in his memory at Urge Bar this evening, during Furry Friday. I'll be at a cocktail party, but I'll have a drink for him there instead.

Funeral Notices: (so far - we have two going in on Saturday's paper)
From the NZ Herald

BEECH
Daniel Denis (Danny). Of Telford Avenue, Auckland. On 11 September 2007, peacefully at Auckland Hospital, aged 66 years. Loved eldest son of the late Mary and Peter Beech, loved brother and brotherinlaw of Margaret (deceased), Martin and Philipa, Michael and Ann, Conrad and Anne, Tony and Pat, loved uncle of Colette, Simon and Megan, Michelle, Sarah and Patrick, James, Anna-Maree, Ben and John, Eva, Peter and Joe and cherished friend of Beth Titter. Special thanks to Helen Grinder for her special care of Danny over the last six weeks. Friends are invited to the attend a Requiem Mass which will be celebrated for Danny's life in St. Brigid's Catholic Church, Wakeman Street, Pahiatua on Monday 17 September 2007 at 11.00am and will be followed by private cremation. A Vigil will be held at Martin and Philipa's home, 197 Millers Road, Ngaturi, Pahiatua at 7.00pm on Sunday evening. A Memorial Service will be held for Danny at St. Benedict's Catholic Church, Newton Auckland on Thursday 20 September 2007 at 2.00pm. (Danny is in the care of Chester Burt Funeral Home FSCNZ. Ph: (06) 376-8268.)

Daniel Denis. On 11 September, 2007 at Auckland Hospital (peacefully). Thank you Daniel for being a wonderful friend to me for 52 years. Keep your beautiful dreams with you. I will always miss your sense of humour. Your friend forever, Beth.

News article
From GayNZ
Gay leader in deaf community dies
By GayNZ.com News Staff
12th September 2007 - 02:30 pm

Daniel (Danny) Beech, who in the late 1990's was instrumental in setting up New Zealand's first group for gay deaf people, died peacefully yesterday.

Beech was a long-time member of Auckland's gay community, frequenting K' Road's Urge bar regularly some years ago.

Beech was also a very prominent and influential member of the deaf community in Auckland and Palmerston North, and also served the Catholic community as a deaf chaplain.

Funeral arrangements are yet to be confirmed.

GayNZ.com readers are invited to share memories of Danny Beech on our forum, linked below.

Tribute from Credo
Daniel Beech R.I.P.
It is with great sadness that the Religious Education Team acknowledges the death, yesterday evening, September 11th, of Danny Beech, Chaplain for the Deaf.

Earlier in the day, a gathering of Danny’s friends and colleagues was held at his home, to farewell him from Auckland, in preparation for his shift to Paihiatua, where he had hoped to spend his last days. Sadly, he had to return to hospital after the prayers, and a few hours later, he died peacefully, with his brother Martin at his bedside.

Danny’s health had gradually declined over the past eighteen months, during which time, he courageously kept up his ministry to the Deaf, and only recently had to relinquish much of the planning for the Deaf Community’s monthly Mass to other members. We would especially like to thank Mary Johnson for assisting Danny with his ministry over the past few months.

Danny will be remembered for his cheerful and positive disposition, and his courageous life of faith and service to others, whilst living with the challenge of profound deafness. May he rest in peace. Click here for a Tribute to Danny


Fundraising



I haven't mentioned it for a wee while, but we are still fundraising for mine and Al's trip to the Gold Coast. Details: we fly out on the 30th October, about six weeks away. Getting closer! Al is also getting sicker, so the sooner we go the better. It looks like the wheelchair hire option at all the parks etc we're going will be useful ...

Unfortunately, Danny's death means that his pledge to us is void. He had pledged a wonderful, albeit scary, amount - which was our incentive to plan the holiday in the first place (thank you, Danny. Because it's a great idea). Thus, we're still scrabbling to cover our costs. If you were intending to contribute and haven't yet had the opportunity, we would really appreciate it! Everyone's been fantastic, but we're not quite there yet.

Full details on what the fundraising if for and why are doing it are here.

Friday
All I can say is, bring on the weekend (ie: 6pm onwards). It's going to be a looooooong day. But then: cocktails!

I was in bed last night, just about to fall asleep, when Al came inside. He sat down on the side of the bed, and looked at me.

"Danny's dead."

We were both shocked - Danny had been quite unwell for the last year or so, but this was unexpected. Another friend, another part of our lives, gone. We hugged and talked and tried to understand that the lovely, sweet man we knew would no longer be a physical part of our lives.

Danny, you were an amazing (grand)father figure, sugar daddy, and friend to Al. Your love and supoprt of him meant a huge amount to both of us. Not least, you gave me great hugs and were lovely to swap texts with. We shall all miss you dearly.



Too many people have gone already. But I'm newly sad, every time.

Rest in Peace, sweet Danny.


Another friend linked to this song this morning, and it really fitted how I'm feeling today. So I share it with you: I'm loving angels instead

I nearly forgot to mention - hopefully all New Zealander's reading are aware the submissions for the Electoral Finance Bill close at the end of today? Both Bear and alasatyr have excellent posts on the subject - here and here. Please, spend a few minutes to make a submission and make a difference!

Quoting from Bear:
Here’s a short list of undesirable features:

* It extends the period of "regulated speech" from 90 days to around 11 months, meaning New Zealanders will spend one third of their lives restricted as to their advocacy.

* It defines as an election advertisement taking a position on any proposition that a party or candidate is associated with, which will elevate parties and MPs to first class citizens, as the moment they take a position on an issue, it becomes a restricted topic for all other New Zealanders.

* It covers not just traditional advertising, but is worded so that every e-mail and every website (except non commercial blogs) fall under the regulated speech regime.

* It has an almost unworkable bureaucratic system of sworn statutory declarations for any person or organisation spending even $1 expressing a view for or against a party in election year.

* It bans any unincorprated society with even one member under the age of 17 from spending more than $100 a week on political issues.

* It bans political parties from being able to run issue advertisements.

* It requires every organisation that spends more than $100 a week or $5,00 a year on “taking a position on any proposition that a party or candidate is associated with” as having to register with the Government and reveal all non trivial sources of income. This will affect hundreds if not thousands of organisations.

* It requires third parties to hand over anonymous donations over $500 to the Government yet allows political parties to accept anonymous donations of no limit at all.

* It restricts an organisation to $60,000 expenditure in a year on so called election advertising, which barely covers two full page newspapers ads in our largest newspaper, over 11 months. This is a ridiculously low limit to apply for such a long period of time.

* It will legalise Labour’s illegal pledge card over-spending in 2005.

* It does not provide for significantly greater penalties for parties that deliberately breach the Electoral Act as happened in 2005.

* It prevents a wronged party, attacked by a politician, from defending itself during an election campaign by requiring third parties to register prior to the issuing of the election writs.

* It does not crack down on anonymous and trust donations to political parties despite there being a clear public consensus that it should.

* The definition of advertising and publication is so wide that e-mailing a press release, stating your views on a website (other than a non commercial blog), or even making a placard for a protest march will be regulated by the Bill.

* That both third parties and political parties are greatly restricted for all of election year which will prevent them from being able to effectively respond to Government initiatives such as the Budget.

And from alasatyr:
It's no exaggeration to say if you don't stand up this time, you may not be able to next time. The purpose of electoral finance law is not to ensure that no-one can contradict the Government. Tell them so.

It's been a crazy week. Disturbingly, I mean that in the literal sense.

My doctor started me on lithium a few months back. Not much - just 125mg twice a day (also known as one 250mg pill sawed in half, cause they don't come in 125mg pills). There was this cunning plan, see, to see if it would help with a) my depression and b) my migraine - or perhaps my dissatisfaction about my migraine, or something. Anyhow, it was introduced into my system at the same time as a bunch of other medications, and while there was a noticeable difference, I had no idea which particular medication was causing it.

(The neatest thing about starting lithium was needing to go for the regular blood tests. Becuase: bonus! There is a very pretty Argentinian male nurse called Deigo that I'm stalking pleased to see most times I show up at the med lab.)

Anyhow. I got my latest blood test done at the beginning of last week. And at the end of last week I got a letter from my doctor recommending that I increase me dose to 'one in the morning and two at night.' One what? One pill? One half as I was doing? I looked at the amount of Lithium I had left; looked at when my next doctor's appointment was; looked at the 'no repeats' line on my bottle. And figured that increasing dramatically was not the way to go, so I would assume that she meant one half in the morning and two halves (ie: one whole) in the evening.

I'm really glad I didn't make it more than that. Because I've been completely doolally all week. Here's what happened, after increasing my dose on Sunday evening.

Monday: pretty normal
Tuesday: quite logy in the morning. Got very upset with Firecracker in the afternoon, cried at work and went home early. Then pulled weeds like a madwoman, planted onion seeds, did dishes, and pretty much wore myself out.
Wednesday: couldn't leave the house. Just ... couldn't. (Eventually made myself in the afternoon, to get food from the organic shop for dinner). Then hit manic mode after that - prepped marmalade, prepared dessert, made raisin blondies, prepared dinner. Was gutted to hear from Sparky and Firecracker that they weren't able to come over and eat the yummy dinner and dessert as planned. Was rather quiet for the rest of the evening. Crashed out by 9pm.
Thursday: Up and at-em! Worked 6 1/2 hours and was completely hyperactive all day. Forgot to eat lunch until 3:30. Took Al to the hospital for an appointment. Couldn't stop fiddling. Came home and ate dinner and made marmalade and ironed and generally couldn't sit still for more than 20 minutes. Hiddendenim, who came over for dinner, must have thought I was high on something ...
Friday (today): Still a bit hyper. At work. Seem generally OK though.

So yes. A bit mental. But settling down. Obviously this reaction is something I'll be talking to my doctor about.

But my mood seems a bit better ... and the garden looks a lot better!

Number of schools driven past on my way to work this morning: six
Four primary schools, one high school, and one language school. Not including where I work, which is also a place of learning. I can drive different ways and skip some out, but often that just means I go past different ones!

Number of excellent kiwi films seen recently: one
If you get the opportunity, Eagle vs. Shark is an excellent film and well worth the watch. And, given the relationship awkwardness it depicts, extra-good as a first date movie! Lots of laughs, and opportunities for mirth.

Number of books purchased/received over the weekend: five
Sandman books #5, #9 and #10 purchased from Gotham Comics to complete the set; a Jasper Fforde book and a Sara Paretsky book received in the mail from SwapClub.

Number of beers drunk on Saturday night: three - Ben matched me drink for drink, which was nice
It was mugginsm and fishie's housewarming, and most fun. Lovely to see colitis and elyofborg and maab there as well.

Amount of walking done between Friday and Sunday: lots - my shins ache!
~ booting it up the hill to meet Sparky at the dentist, after I couldn't get a park close-by
~ ambling around town on Friday night (in between dinner and buying tickets to the movie, buying tickets and watching the movie, and after the movie up to the car)
~ walking to RPL's on Saturday
~ walking back from RPL's
~ walking to mugginsm and fishie's
~ running errands on Sunday (four stops, six shops)

Number of people who have donated to the BigTaz Internet-athon: 43!

Amount raised so far: an astonishing number. Thank you, everyone who's given so generously. You have helped immensely.


As always, donationsa are gratefully accepted! Full details on what and why are here.

Number of wonderful people in my life: far too many to count! And that's as it should be. *hugs you all*

Begging
We're nearly at $3000! *falls over in amazement*



The response from friends, family, loves and co-workers has been great. As always, if you want to contribute we'd be very happy, and give our thanks in the form of a postcard from the Gold Coast (you even get a choice of nekkid, scenic, cute, or 'other'). Full details are here.

Butterfly
I was semi-social over the weekend. It all started well, meeting zesprii in BeachHaven for brunch (amazing Gallic cafe with yummy food). Unfortunately I was thwacked with some horrendous nausea, so after heading back home I spent the afternoon sleeping. I was going to go the munch, but kinda missed it. Many people arrived at The Manor and gummidged, but I mostly hid out either in bed or on the computer. And then crashed out about 9pm.

Sunday was much better, and I went to Orewa to bigtaz to help celebrate his daughter Aria's 9th birthday (she lives up there). It was pretty fun, albeit very pink. She loved her presents from Al (bright pink Barbie-themed suitcase, purple-and-pink duvet set, fluffy pink cushion to go with duvet) and me (pink-and-purple bathset, cat stamps), as well as from all the other aunties and grandparents and whatnot. Not that there are grandparents on our side, but her step-dad's folks and grandfolks were there as well as her mother's. So four generations in the house, along with the obligatory chippies, sausage rolls, cocktail sausages and devilled eggs.

This week is going to be relatively quiet, until the weekend. Yesterday afternoon I visited Sparky and Firecracker and _steelphoenix_ - got hugs, ate chocolate, watched Firecracker check out her new playstation and Phoenix cut up fabric for my new kimono top. Tonight moonspirit43 and radiofishlips are house-guesting with us, and on Thursday hiddendenim is joining us for dinner. Then it's EROTICA EXPO on the weekend. Which I've been really looking forward to! *does a wriggly happy dance*

Buzzing
I joined StumbleUpon - the great timesuck of amusement. Who else is using it?

Anyhow, I've been amusing myself mightily, and even found one item that I read a few years back and then lost.

So, dear readers, instead of doing some work, why don't you follow the links and try not to spit-take on your keyboard?
~ The Horror of Blimps
~ Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn by Dave Barry
~ All I Ever Learned, I Learned from Anime
~ Pimp My Rice Paddy
~ Microsoft receive first ever error report

It's Friday again. How'd that happen?

Fundraising continues apace. Everyone's been brilliant - more brilliance is happily accepted.



As always - full details are here. But most of you know what I'm on about now, right?


Entertainment in the form of links:

~ You cannot doubt that sex sells. Especially after watching these advertisements.
Kylie's in the first one, and suddenly I see the attraction ...

~ Suzanne Brockman writes about her dinner with Joss Whedon, in The Joss Report.
Seeing Ripper on the small screen is maybe happening!

~ Terry Moore meets Harry Potter, with devilish results.
Terry Moore has just finished Strangers in Paradise, if you're wondering why the name is familiar.

~ Everyone who remembers Eric Balfour (Jesse from Buffy, or latterly as Gabriel from Six Feet Under) - he got hot. Really hot.
Those are probably NSFW, not least because you'll melt into a puddle under your desk.


silent_r_infork asked me questions:

1. When you list "Aeon Flux" in your interests, do you mean the TV show or the movie?
The TV show, absolutely! I've seen the movie, but the show is much better. First watched it on Liquid TV, but I have it on video as well. And a great Peter Chung graphic novel too!

2. You make reference to "the reasons why" in regards to your vegetarianism. Is there a story there?
It's vegequarianism, actually - I still eat fish for health reasons. But I stopped eating all other meats after doing too much research. I have issues with the ways chickens and pigs especially are treated. I'll still have some organic beef about quarterly, to keep up my iron levels, but other than that ... just no.

3. Also in your interests is "Preacher", which I assume is the Garth Ennis comic. Who's your favorite character, and why? (I'll gain more psychological insight into you through this answer than is healthy.)
How can I possibly choose my favourite Preacher character? Cassidy amuses the fuck outta me, I must admit. And he's the only character I've read a (gen) fanfic about, not that I can track it down now. I re-read Preacher pretty much once a year - that might tell you a bit more about me.

4. Tell me about Firecracker and Sparky. (Don't expect me a scandalized response, you won't get one.)
Not sure what you want to know here. Firecracker and Sparky are a couple I met a little over a year ago. They're now married. Firecracker seduced me ... and eventually I seduced Sparky. I love both of them, and am deeply in love with Sparky (it's our anniversary next weekend). I see them, together or separately, at least once a week.

5. What's your favorite song?
I've never gotten tired of I'm Free, by the Soup Dragons.

6. Have you ever left New Zealand?
I went to Sydney for three days back in ... 2003, I think. But that's it. So going to the Gold Coast is going to be a great treat!

Things that have made me smile today:

~ Hanging out the washing in the glorious sunshine. Hearing a sparrow chirruping away and spotting it in one of the winter-nude trees to my left. Mama Bear fuzzing around my ankles and stretching on the path for a belly-rub.

~ Pressing into welt on my shoulder with my thumb, and feeling the bruising.

~ Talking online sporadically with Sparky while I do some work.

~ Being able to breathe deeply without coughing.

~ Twisting the ring on my finger and watching the Greek key move around, and yet never change.

~ Feeling well-loved by many people, and glad they're all in my life.

Fundraising
You ALL are amazing - as of about 20 minutes ago, the BigTaz Internet-athon™ has raised $1014.00 NZ! That's incredible, and puts us well on our way - you can see the figures here, if it so pleases you.





If you haven't donated and want to, all the details are here. Yes, I'm shamless.Y'all know that by now, right?

Incidentally, if anyone in Auckland has a fridge/freezer they're not using or no longer want, Taz's died on the weekend - one month after the six month warrantly expired. *sigh* I'm happy to collect if you have one taking up space ...

Weekend
Saturday day-time consisted of helping mugginsm and fishie move into their new house - their first house! I had the pleasure of packing half their pantry, and then of unpacking half their books. I love books ... but I always want to run away with half of them! I restrained myself, and only borrowed three.

Saturday evening, as fuzzy_ben was out gummidging, I spent introducing alasatyr to the excellent anime series Noir, followed by a re-watch of Twelve Monkeys. That film gets more whacky every time I watch it. Oh, and making home-made pizza.

Sunday was reasonably quiet, and I had a visit in the afternoon from tracyathene - we shot the breeze and talked about relationships and ate delicious raspberry and chocolate chip pancakes. And I introduced her to Black Books. Because everyone needs a little Bernard, Manny and Fran in their life :)

And, mixed in with all of that was a little sleep, a little reading, a little housework. You know, the usual.

Fandom
For the fanfic writers and readers out there: sapphirebreeze has written a most thoughtful and well-written essay about providing feedback, and the reasons for it. Well worth the read, and you can find it here (don't forget to leave feedback!).

*runs away to do some work*

It's a geeky Friday afternoon, and there are some great posts for sharing:

~ If you've ever been to a convention, then winsomeone's G-rated fic, Buffy & Spike's Most Excellent Adventure at the Con, is a must-read. You don't even have to be a fan of Buffy - just a fan of something! There are mentions of Firefly, Dr Who, Star Trek, BSG, Buffy (of course), Fruits Basket and more...

~ A staple of cons is filking - and while I generally don't sing, this is one I'd belt out with pleasure! Living La Vida Filka (hat-tip to tzadik_mossad)

~ And jmtorres posts a wee bit of history that made me smile: A reason to like Bill Shatner

~ Geek social fallacies - who knew?

~ tacit inadvertantly cooks up one heck of an experment in My car in an alchemy lab...

~ And last but not least - my lovely friend fuzzy_ben points to an article about The Migratory Habits of the Common Sock.

Enjoy!