debxena

The last few weeks, that is. Some great, some appalling.

In the great category:
Work: I got going on my two new (part-time) jobs, and am having a brilliant time finding my feet with both of them. Job #1 is with my old boss, who now owns half of an IT company - network support, for those that're interested. While they're great what they do, they're suck at documenting and streamlining their procedures. Which is where I come in. I'm doing 15 hrs a week for them, 2/3rds there and 1/3rd at home, eventually to increase the home component and decrease the office component. Works well, as I go in two days a week and get to enjoy working with my Boss again!

Job #2 is actually a two-parter: one part is presentations and sales (yes, I know - me, doing sales!); the other is co-ordination of presentation bookings for all the presenters around the country. The first part is coming up to speed now, and will probably be two evenings a week. The second part is 14 hrs in the office, spread over three days. I've been really enjoying both components, although the presentation portion has been a tad stressful, as it's been a LOT of information for me to learn and get right. But I've presented twice now (one partially, one completely), and get to do my first solo next weekend!

A heap of folk have helped me by listening to me learn my script, testing me with cue-cards, going over the product information with me, bothering me about the prices, and so on - they're all wonderful! And probably know as much about the products as I do, now :)

I also finally finished up at my old job - there was a fortnight of cross-over where I was working all THREE jobs, was additionally sick as a very sick person, and was still managing most of it. But it's all finished now (thankfully!), except for one morning this week where I'm going in (and getting paid to go in) and show someone else how to do one of the things my role required. The fact that there are a dozen things that need to be kept on top of seems to be being ignored - but that's not my problem. So I'll teach this particular one and then leave them to it :)

Entertainment:Al also got to go and see Phantom of the Opera a few weeks ago, along with other hospice patients. I was so glad he got to see it - I saw it when I was younger, but he'd not had the opportunity. Apparently it was fantastic! And I popped off to Armageddon this year, for the first time since 2003 - it was damned crowded, but I ran into a lot of friends, bought some anime and some comics, and nearly got my car towed (but not quite). It was a lot of fun :)

In the appalling category:
Loss:Well, it starts well. About two months ago, Al (aka bigtaz, aka my brother) fell in love. A new boyfriend for the first time in three years! Lloyd was charming, nice to look at, got on well with Sprocket (Al's dog), and was around a LOT. Which we didn't mind at all - he put a smile on Al's face.

But Lloyd died unexpectedly a few weeks ago - Al woke up and Lloyd was dead next to him. It was a dreadful shock to Al, especially as it was only a week earlier that he and Lloyd had found Lloyd's auntie (who they were looking after) had died in the night. Lloyd's family had spent most of that week blaming the two of them (even though the coroner found that she had died of natural causes) - to which Lloyd's reaction was a) to try and protect Al by pushing him away, followed by b) self-medicating with booze and drugs. They got themselves sorted out and back together over the weekend, but it seems that the night before he died, Lloyd had been taking (too many) diazepam, on top of beer. And that when Al had gone to sleep, he'd swigged some of Al's strongest medication on top of that. He just wanted to sleep - but he didn't get to wake up.

It was a surreal day. Al running into the house to get me, saying almost word-for-word what he's said to me about Mum ('I think she/he's dead!'); me trying to find a pulse and wake him; Al on the phone to 111, and me having to take over and explain that there was likely no point trying CPR as the body was cold; the ambulance crew being astonishingly kind; the police very gently taking Al's statement; the funeral guy taking Lloyd to the hospital to autopsy; his family arriving just after the body had gone. The numbness and rawness and bleakness and blankness of death in your face.

Al is gutted. It's been really hard on him, especially when a number of Lloyd's family and friends are blaming Al for his death. He spent a week away from home at a friends, three of us went to the funeral, and he's had a blessing and tapu-lifting ceremony done on the bed - he wouldn't even sit on it, let alone sleep on it, before that was done. But what was the point, you know? He wonders whether there was any reason for him to meet and know Lloyd, for their two daughters to play together, for him to open himself and be vulnerable and then lose another person dear to him.

He's hurting so badly, and there's nothing I can do for him.

This time a year ago we were in the Gold Coast. I wasn't sure he'd even be around now. He's here all right, but the stress has really been fucking with his delicate health the last few weeks. I wonder what the long-term impact will be?

Money:In other not-so-hot news, the universe has noticed me earning money, and decided we don't really need it! Al's car bust it's water-pump, and cost nearly $1K to get fixed. His laptop fritzed, and is in the shop (although a very kind friend has loaned him one in the meantime). And this week one of his teeth decided to stop slowly decaying and to crumble painfully instead. We found a dentist happy to treat an HIV+ patient, and Al had an emergency extraction (extracting $500 from our credit card). The dentist had apparently worked in a clinic in Aussie that saw a lot of HIV+ folk, and he recognised something we didn't know - that Al's KS has spread to his mouth, and is in his gums. This is not good to know, although I'm not sure how much impact it's going to have. Means that the cancer is still spreading, though.


So that's the good and the bad. I've been putting off writing because, frankly, I didn't know what to write. And was reluctant to emo all over everyone's friends page. But it's out there now. Life keeps rolling on - jobs and death and money and entertainment and love and tiredness and keeping-on-keeping-on. I just want to sleep, too. But I want to keep on waking up for as long as I can.

As most everyone reading this knows, my brother Alex (bigtaz) is terminally ill*. At his request, he and I are going to travel to the Gold Coast, in Australia, for 11 days this November - a holiday he's always wanted to take, taken before he gets too sick to travel. (At this stage they're estimating 6-24 months before he dies, but no one is really sure. The amount of pain medication he's on can't increase a heck of a lot higher.)

Our plans have been made and the holiday booked (flights, insurance, accommodation, car hire, and theme parks), and my Amex is now groaningly full where once is was pristine and sitting at $0000.00. Which is what credit cards are for, I suppose.

At the moment the three of us live on 1+3/4 salaries - Ben works full-time, I work part-time (due to my intractable migraine), and Al is on the Invalid's benefit. So money for this trip has not come easy, despite savings. To that end - we beg.

If anyone would like to contribute the costs of the journey it would be appreciated - anything from $5 to $50 to $500 is helpful. To that end, donations can be made directly to our bank account or through Pago (if you're in New Zealand), or through PayPal (if you're overseas).

( Donation options )

I have created a spreadsheet outlining all expenditure being made, and all donations coming in - anyone can view this and see where the money is going. Donations can be named or anonymous as it suits (and if you like, named to us but anonymous on the spreadsheet). The only distinction that will be made is whether the donation is from a friend or a family member, and what country the payment is from.

Of course, we're unable to give you anything for your donation, other than regular updates on how the planning is going, daily entries while we're on holiday, and a lot of photos so you can see how we are doing over there! Hmm - and a postcard from Surfer's if you want :) Plus, of course, everyone who donates will get a feeling of well-being and a lot of gratitude from li'l ole moi!

ETA: Feel free to link to this post, pimp it, or otherwise spread the world!

*For those who are curious - Taz is HIV positive, and with a form of cancer called Kaposi's Sarcoma. The HIV is controlled, the KS is not - all chemo and radiotherapy has failed, and it is likely this which will kill him. The KS is in his lungs, lymph nodes, and skin. He's moved from morphine to methadone to control the immense pain he is in.