debxena

The last few weeks, that is. Some great, some appalling.

In the great category:
Work: I got going on my two new (part-time) jobs, and am having a brilliant time finding my feet with both of them. Job #1 is with my old boss, who now owns half of an IT company - network support, for those that're interested. While they're great what they do, they're suck at documenting and streamlining their procedures. Which is where I come in. I'm doing 15 hrs a week for them, 2/3rds there and 1/3rd at home, eventually to increase the home component and decrease the office component. Works well, as I go in two days a week and get to enjoy working with my Boss again!

Job #2 is actually a two-parter: one part is presentations and sales (yes, I know - me, doing sales!); the other is co-ordination of presentation bookings for all the presenters around the country. The first part is coming up to speed now, and will probably be two evenings a week. The second part is 14 hrs in the office, spread over three days. I've been really enjoying both components, although the presentation portion has been a tad stressful, as it's been a LOT of information for me to learn and get right. But I've presented twice now (one partially, one completely), and get to do my first solo next weekend!

A heap of folk have helped me by listening to me learn my script, testing me with cue-cards, going over the product information with me, bothering me about the prices, and so on - they're all wonderful! And probably know as much about the products as I do, now :)

I also finally finished up at my old job - there was a fortnight of cross-over where I was working all THREE jobs, was additionally sick as a very sick person, and was still managing most of it. But it's all finished now (thankfully!), except for one morning this week where I'm going in (and getting paid to go in) and show someone else how to do one of the things my role required. The fact that there are a dozen things that need to be kept on top of seems to be being ignored - but that's not my problem. So I'll teach this particular one and then leave them to it :)

Entertainment:Al also got to go and see Phantom of the Opera a few weeks ago, along with other hospice patients. I was so glad he got to see it - I saw it when I was younger, but he'd not had the opportunity. Apparently it was fantastic! And I popped off to Armageddon this year, for the first time since 2003 - it was damned crowded, but I ran into a lot of friends, bought some anime and some comics, and nearly got my car towed (but not quite). It was a lot of fun :)

In the appalling category:
Loss:Well, it starts well. About two months ago, Al (aka bigtaz, aka my brother) fell in love. A new boyfriend for the first time in three years! Lloyd was charming, nice to look at, got on well with Sprocket (Al's dog), and was around a LOT. Which we didn't mind at all - he put a smile on Al's face.

But Lloyd died unexpectedly a few weeks ago - Al woke up and Lloyd was dead next to him. It was a dreadful shock to Al, especially as it was only a week earlier that he and Lloyd had found Lloyd's auntie (who they were looking after) had died in the night. Lloyd's family had spent most of that week blaming the two of them (even though the coroner found that she had died of natural causes) - to which Lloyd's reaction was a) to try and protect Al by pushing him away, followed by b) self-medicating with booze and drugs. They got themselves sorted out and back together over the weekend, but it seems that the night before he died, Lloyd had been taking (too many) diazepam, on top of beer. And that when Al had gone to sleep, he'd swigged some of Al's strongest medication on top of that. He just wanted to sleep - but he didn't get to wake up.

It was a surreal day. Al running into the house to get me, saying almost word-for-word what he's said to me about Mum ('I think she/he's dead!'); me trying to find a pulse and wake him; Al on the phone to 111, and me having to take over and explain that there was likely no point trying CPR as the body was cold; the ambulance crew being astonishingly kind; the police very gently taking Al's statement; the funeral guy taking Lloyd to the hospital to autopsy; his family arriving just after the body had gone. The numbness and rawness and bleakness and blankness of death in your face.

Al is gutted. It's been really hard on him, especially when a number of Lloyd's family and friends are blaming Al for his death. He spent a week away from home at a friends, three of us went to the funeral, and he's had a blessing and tapu-lifting ceremony done on the bed - he wouldn't even sit on it, let alone sleep on it, before that was done. But what was the point, you know? He wonders whether there was any reason for him to meet and know Lloyd, for their two daughters to play together, for him to open himself and be vulnerable and then lose another person dear to him.

He's hurting so badly, and there's nothing I can do for him.

This time a year ago we were in the Gold Coast. I wasn't sure he'd even be around now. He's here all right, but the stress has really been fucking with his delicate health the last few weeks. I wonder what the long-term impact will be?

Money:In other not-so-hot news, the universe has noticed me earning money, and decided we don't really need it! Al's car bust it's water-pump, and cost nearly $1K to get fixed. His laptop fritzed, and is in the shop (although a very kind friend has loaned him one in the meantime). And this week one of his teeth decided to stop slowly decaying and to crumble painfully instead. We found a dentist happy to treat an HIV+ patient, and Al had an emergency extraction (extracting $500 from our credit card). The dentist had apparently worked in a clinic in Aussie that saw a lot of HIV+ folk, and he recognised something we didn't know - that Al's KS has spread to his mouth, and is in his gums. This is not good to know, although I'm not sure how much impact it's going to have. Means that the cancer is still spreading, though.


So that's the good and the bad. I've been putting off writing because, frankly, I didn't know what to write. And was reluctant to emo all over everyone's friends page. But it's out there now. Life keeps rolling on - jobs and death and money and entertainment and love and tiredness and keeping-on-keeping-on. I just want to sleep, too. But I want to keep on waking up for as long as I can.

Danny
We finally have some news about what's happening with Danny. His funeral proper is going to be held in Pahiatua - where is family is, I presume - but there is a memorial service in Auckland next Thursday (details in the Funeral notice below). Al and I will be there. Also, apparently, there will be drinks raised in his memory at Urge Bar this evening, during Furry Friday. I'll be at a cocktail party, but I'll have a drink for him there instead.

Funeral Notices: (so far - we have two going in on Saturday's paper)
From the NZ Herald

BEECH
Daniel Denis (Danny). Of Telford Avenue, Auckland. On 11 September 2007, peacefully at Auckland Hospital, aged 66 years. Loved eldest son of the late Mary and Peter Beech, loved brother and brotherinlaw of Margaret (deceased), Martin and Philipa, Michael and Ann, Conrad and Anne, Tony and Pat, loved uncle of Colette, Simon and Megan, Michelle, Sarah and Patrick, James, Anna-Maree, Ben and John, Eva, Peter and Joe and cherished friend of Beth Titter. Special thanks to Helen Grinder for her special care of Danny over the last six weeks. Friends are invited to the attend a Requiem Mass which will be celebrated for Danny's life in St. Brigid's Catholic Church, Wakeman Street, Pahiatua on Monday 17 September 2007 at 11.00am and will be followed by private cremation. A Vigil will be held at Martin and Philipa's home, 197 Millers Road, Ngaturi, Pahiatua at 7.00pm on Sunday evening. A Memorial Service will be held for Danny at St. Benedict's Catholic Church, Newton Auckland on Thursday 20 September 2007 at 2.00pm. (Danny is in the care of Chester Burt Funeral Home FSCNZ. Ph: (06) 376-8268.)

Daniel Denis. On 11 September, 2007 at Auckland Hospital (peacefully). Thank you Daniel for being a wonderful friend to me for 52 years. Keep your beautiful dreams with you. I will always miss your sense of humour. Your friend forever, Beth.

News article
From GayNZ
Gay leader in deaf community dies
By GayNZ.com News Staff
12th September 2007 - 02:30 pm

Daniel (Danny) Beech, who in the late 1990's was instrumental in setting up New Zealand's first group for gay deaf people, died peacefully yesterday.

Beech was a long-time member of Auckland's gay community, frequenting K' Road's Urge bar regularly some years ago.

Beech was also a very prominent and influential member of the deaf community in Auckland and Palmerston North, and also served the Catholic community as a deaf chaplain.

Funeral arrangements are yet to be confirmed.

GayNZ.com readers are invited to share memories of Danny Beech on our forum, linked below.

Tribute from Credo
Daniel Beech R.I.P.
It is with great sadness that the Religious Education Team acknowledges the death, yesterday evening, September 11th, of Danny Beech, Chaplain for the Deaf.

Earlier in the day, a gathering of Danny’s friends and colleagues was held at his home, to farewell him from Auckland, in preparation for his shift to Paihiatua, where he had hoped to spend his last days. Sadly, he had to return to hospital after the prayers, and a few hours later, he died peacefully, with his brother Martin at his bedside.

Danny’s health had gradually declined over the past eighteen months, during which time, he courageously kept up his ministry to the Deaf, and only recently had to relinquish much of the planning for the Deaf Community’s monthly Mass to other members. We would especially like to thank Mary Johnson for assisting Danny with his ministry over the past few months.

Danny will be remembered for his cheerful and positive disposition, and his courageous life of faith and service to others, whilst living with the challenge of profound deafness. May he rest in peace. Click here for a Tribute to Danny


Fundraising



I haven't mentioned it for a wee while, but we are still fundraising for mine and Al's trip to the Gold Coast. Details: we fly out on the 30th October, about six weeks away. Getting closer! Al is also getting sicker, so the sooner we go the better. It looks like the wheelchair hire option at all the parks etc we're going will be useful ...

Unfortunately, Danny's death means that his pledge to us is void. He had pledged a wonderful, albeit scary, amount - which was our incentive to plan the holiday in the first place (thank you, Danny. Because it's a great idea). Thus, we're still scrabbling to cover our costs. If you were intending to contribute and haven't yet had the opportunity, we would really appreciate it! Everyone's been fantastic, but we're not quite there yet.

Full details on what the fundraising if for and why are doing it are here.

Friday
All I can say is, bring on the weekend (ie: 6pm onwards). It's going to be a looooooong day. But then: cocktails!

I was in bed last night, just about to fall asleep, when Al came inside. He sat down on the side of the bed, and looked at me.

"Danny's dead."

We were both shocked - Danny had been quite unwell for the last year or so, but this was unexpected. Another friend, another part of our lives, gone. We hugged and talked and tried to understand that the lovely, sweet man we knew would no longer be a physical part of our lives.

Danny, you were an amazing (grand)father figure, sugar daddy, and friend to Al. Your love and supoprt of him meant a huge amount to both of us. Not least, you gave me great hugs and were lovely to swap texts with. We shall all miss you dearly.



Too many people have gone already. But I'm newly sad, every time.

Rest in Peace, sweet Danny.


Another friend linked to this song this morning, and it really fitted how I'm feeling today. So I share it with you: I'm loving angels instead